Humorous Quotations on Parenting and Children
page III

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.

Marcelene Cox


Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Abraham Kaplan


You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

John Ciardi


You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones


People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources--all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry.

Paul Reiser, Babyhood


Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller


Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

Alan Bleasdale


Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.

Robert Gallagher


I think we’re seeing in working mothers a change from “Thank God it’s Friday” to “Thank God it’s Monday.” If any working mother has not experienced that feeling, her children are not adolescent.

Ann Diehl: Vogue Jan 85


I was cesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.

Steven Wright


When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.

Gracie Allen


Parents: persons who spend half their time worrying how a child will turn out, and the rest of the time wondering when a child will turn in.

Ted Cook


Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.

Franklin P. Jones


It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Chinese Proverb


No animal is so inexhaustible as an excited infant.

Amy Leslie


A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.

Mark Twain


You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.

P.J O'Rourke


Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.



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