Humorous Quotations on Parenting and Children
page III

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.

Marcelene Cox

 

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Abraham Kaplan

 

You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

John Ciardi

 

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones

 

People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources--all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry.

Paul Reiser, Babyhood

 

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

 

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

Alan Bleasdale

 

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.

Robert Gallagher

 

I think we’re seeing in working mothers a change from “Thank God it’s Friday” to “Thank God it’s Monday.” If any working mother has not experienced that feeling, her children are not adolescent.

Ann Diehl: Vogue Jan 85

 

I was cesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.

Steven Wright

 

When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.

Gracie Allen

 

Parents: persons who spend half their time worrying how a child will turn out, and the rest of the time wondering when a child will turn in.

Ted Cook

 

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.

Franklin P. Jones

 

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Chinese Proverb

 

No animal is so inexhaustible as an excited infant.

Amy Leslie

 

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.

Mark Twain

 

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.

P.J O'Rourke

 

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Unknown

 

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